Astrology for Real Relationships

Understanding You, Me, and How We All Get Along

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A modern, inclusive guide to astrology that uses the zodiac to illuminate your love life as well as your relationships with your family, your friends, and yourself.
When it comes to friendship, family, and romance, we all want the same things: to love and be loved, to communicate, to fight fair, and to feel okay in our own skin. Illuminating and accessible, Astrology for Real Relationships includes a primer on basic zodiac knowledge—including the importance of your Sun, Moon, and the planets in your birth chart—before exploring how self-love and self-care affects all types of relationships. Once your mental health and spiritual and emotional wellness are balanced, you can be empowered in your relationships, including:
• Friends and chosen family: The Sun governs your identity and your will.  Are you comfortable being yourself?  Do your friends see you in the same ways that you see yourself?
• Hanging out and dating: The Moon governs your feelings and emotions. Are you honest with yourself about how you feel and what you really need from a partner?
• Long term relationships: Mars is the planet of conflict. Do you always seem to be attracted to the wrong people? Are women really from Venus and men from Mars? 
Full of real talk about attraction, dating, sex, frenemies, self-love, mental health, and how to deal with family, this book will help you build and maintain strong connections—with your crushes, your spouse, your boss, or your mom—and uncover and empower you to get what you really want in relationships, not what you think you should want.

Under the Cover

An excerpt from Astrology for Real Relationships


I’m going to let you in on a little secret. This book isn’t just about relationships. Yes, that’s how I’ve lured you in, but this book is actually about you.

Astrology offers you a great way to learn about the people in your lives. But, more important, it also provides you with useful tools you can use to get to know yourself. Once you understand all the pieces of your own personal puzzle—who you really are and what you really want—you can become an actualized and an empowered participant in each and every relationship you decide to pursue.

Astrology is a vast and amazing system for understanding your insides and your outsides, and how to bridge the gap between the two. And when I talk about relationships and intimacy, I’m really talking about your mental, emotional, and spiritual health. How you feel in your own skin is directly related to how close you are willing to get to other people. And for those of us who have been discouraged from having agency around our feelings and our bodies, letting people in can be especially hard.

I hope you use this book as a resource for understanding how the placement of the planets in your birth chart relates to your intimacy issues with friends, lovers, and romantic partners. Astrology is complicated! So, let’s start at the beginning.

Astrology is a system of divination. It’s the study of the movements of celestial objects that has been used throughout cultures and time. Astrologers look at where the planets are in the sky and in relationship to one another to determine cycles and trends of experience.

Astrology isn’t a belief system; it’s a tool for understanding that has been associated with a wide range of belief systems for thousands of years. There are agnostic astrologers, Buddhist astrologers, anti-capitalist Radical Fairy astrologers, and Christian astrologers. There are those who believe everything is light and love, and others who believe we’re all doomed. You can apply any spiritual or philosophical viewpoint to the stars.

Most popular astrology reduces a super complex, multi-planet system down to your Sun sign. Because of this, people have a tendency to categorize and pathologize individuals based on their Sun signs. That is not only narrow-minded, it’s also a missed opportunity. The Sun governs your identity and your sense of self—it’s important, yes, but it’s just one part of who you are. For instance, the placement of the Moon tells you about your emotions, the placement of Neptune tells you about your ideals, and where Mercury falls in your chart offers insight about your mind and your thoughts.

Your birth chart is a visual representation of the night sky at the moment and location of your birth. In Western astrology, a birth chart is always a circle. It provides you with information about your nature in the past, present, and future. This book won’t teach you to thoroughly read birth charts; these charts are a tool for astrology students and professionals alike to more deeply understand the relationship implications of planetary placement by sign and house.

In order to find out in which house a planet is found, you need to know your time of birth and to plug it into a chart-drawing tool along with your birth date and place. You can find one on my website. Your ascendant (also called your Rising Sign) is a key part of your identity and relationships, but this book will not cover the four major angles, the Ascendant (ASC), the Descendant (DEC), the Midheaven (MC), and the Imum Coeli (IC).

Like a pizza with twelve slices, a birth chart is a wheel divided into twelve parts; one for each zodiac sign. These pieces of the pie are called houses (see the list on page 4), and each house governs a part of your nature that gets expressed in different parts of your life. Each sign is governed by a planet and has a house that it calls home (see chart, opposite). All of these layers of information make up your nature.

- About the author -

Jessica Lanyadoo has met with thousands of clients of the past two decades. She is an internationally respected astrologer and psychic medium, with fans and clients across the globe. Listen to her weekly show, Ghost of a Podcast, read her horoscopes, and use the free birth chart generator on her website at

More from Jessica Lanyadoo

T. Greenaway is a journalist, poet, and editor who has been writing and editing for nearly two decades. Her articles have appeared in the New York Times, the NPR website, the Guardian, Food & Wine, Mother Jones, Gastronomica, and Modern Farmer, and on Grist, where she was an editor.

More from T. Greenaway

Astrology for Real Relationships

Understanding You, Me, and How We All Get Along


Astrology for Real Relationships

— Published by Ten Speed Press —