Excerpt
Joie
Introduction There’s life, and then there’s the good life.
I first traveled to Paris from New York for a single day as an undergrad and then again for a few months as a graduate student of the decorative arts. Those initial introductions opened my eyes to how Parisians lived so differently from me.
But it was not until I returned for love, moving here permanently with my Swiss husband, and eventually became a mom to two very Parisian kids, that I took a closer look at the culture. I noticed the driving force behind the way the French live their lives.
It’s joie de vivre. The joy of living.
Parisians find joy in what they eat, where they go, conversations they have, and how they spend their time. Simple things. It’s their North Star. So, what does that look like? Instead of pushing a shopping cart through a giant superstore to stock up on items in bulk, they might prefer to wait in
a longer line for a single freshly made baguette from the local
boulangerie. A stroll through the open-air
marché (market) for produce, chatting up the sellers, is a lovely morning activity. They buy fresh flowers for their homes weekly, not only on special occasions. They stop for a coffee with a friend after dropping kids off at school and before heading to work. They take leisurely lunches and might even have a glass of wine if they feel like it. Many Frenchies love walking through the flea market on a Saturday or Sunday to dig through antiques, searching for mix-and-match porcelain plates or crystal glassware. When they join with friends and family at a table, it’s beautifully set with all the different pieces they have found, the better for enjoying long, even epic, multi-course meals when conversation might revolve around wine, travels, and history. Rarely do they talk about work.
No matter if we’re in Paris or at home, we all want to live the good life. You know, the kind of life that doesn’t always feel rushed. When you savor small moments such as sitting in a manicured garden brimming with fragrant flowers or enjoying a long, leisurely lunch with wine, cheese,
and dessert. When you feel pride for who you are, or who you have become, because keeping up, showing off, or being perfect just isn’t necessary. When you explore and find things or places that charm you or bring you little jolts of bright-eyed wonder—be it an antique jewelry box, a cute little town, or a buttery, flaky croissant. The kind of life that is full of
joie—joy—every day, not just when you’re on vacation.
When a French friend asked me how I could possibly write about the French’s joie de vivre when they can be a grumpy bunch who complain and strike all the time, I admit I didn’t have the answer right away. I hadn’t quite put it into words, but after more than a decade of living in France, I have come to understand how different joy is from happiness. Happiness is a state of being. It is surface level, immediate, and can be fleeting: The sun is out and I’m leaving for vacation tomorrow; I am happy in this moment. Joy, on the other hand, is something deeper, less vulnerable to the inevitable ebbs and flows of daily life. In other words, you might not be happy, but you can still access joy. If that doesn’t sound like the French, then I don’t know what does!
After living in France—amongst its
joie-seekers, I have found that kind of enjoyable life—the good life. A life that brings me pleasures in very simple things, strengthens my connections with the people around me, and elicits deep satisfaction
in myself and my desires. This kind of joy isn’t reserved for the elite. You don’t have to have grown up in a family with money or privilege. I didn’t. And you don’t have to have deep pockets. I don’t. Anyone can access
joie anywhere they live, and no matter who they are. It’s not even about buying things, really. It’s about experiencing moments. It’s about noticing feelings. It’s about appreciating the
why and the
how much more than the
who,
what,
when, and
where.
As a Nigerian raised in Austin, Texas, I never imagined that I’d one day be living what one would call “the good life.” I thought the best things in life were reserved for ultra-wealthy and affluent people. I grew up thinking if you were lucky enough to have something special or fancy, you saved it and didn’t dare use it daily.
In May of 2020, I wrote a blog post for my lifestyle brand Madame de la Maison called “A Case for the Good China,” which resonated with a lot of people. In the article, I shared how my Nigerian-Jamaican mother never wanted to use her best china for everyday meals or even with her favorite church buddies. She was waiting for a “special occasion,” which sadly never came because she died when I was twelve; before she turned forty. In the days after I published the
post (see “Do Use the Good China,” page 155), readers flooded me with sweet messages and their own similar stories of how they don’t use objects they love nearly as often as they’d like.
Readers connected strongly with my post because no one wants to miss out on using
“the good china,” which for me has become a metaphor for living our best lives and sharing experiences and rituals that we find beautiful
and that bring us moments of joy. Everyone has
a bucket list of things they want to do someday that will somehow enrich their life. Not to knock the beloved bucket, but why not strive to find fulfillment and joy every day, starting now? And damn it, why be like my mother and wait for a special occasion to pull the good china out of the cabinet? We deserve to experience joy every day.
Since moving to France in 2011, I have come to realize that finding joy in my everyday life is
a value that I, too, have always deeply desired. It’s what led me to beg my mother to let us eat off of her white floral porcelain instead of plastic Tupperware. I moved here, to Paris, as a career-obsessed, conspicuous consumption–loving New Yorker who was never satisfied and was always looking for ways to be happier and richer. Adapting to a different pace and way of life by learning from French culture has inspired and changed me in infinite ways.
Joie has become my guiding principle, too.
It also led me to launch my business, Madame de la Maison, a lifestyle brand that encourages people to use beautiful objects like antiques and linens to help elevate moments around the table to celebrate every day, connect with others, and create pleasurable memories. And we can do all of this away from the table as well.
It is in that same spirit that I wanted to write this book, which is full of lessons I have learned from French culture. In focusing on five key areas—leisure, food and wine, gathering, beauty around you, and your own well-being—I share with you a little bit of my story, and how I came to learn these lessons, which sometimes (read: most times) meant making a fool of myself. My goal is to encourage you to live mindfully, seek out beauty, and celebrate life’s joys, whether big or small.
I have become a Parisian, but I know that
life differs slightly if you live in the countryside or even other cities of France. I also know that
I cannot generalize a population of people. I can, however, share my observations, insights from fellow Parisians who live the good life, and some fascinating history and inspiration that have influenced me while living here. To me, these lessons are worthy of sharing so that others might benefit wherever they are in the world.
The French don’t always get everything right, but going back centuries and still today, theirs
is a culture that celebrates appreciating the little things and finding beauty all around us. Perhaps now more than ever, we all could use a little help discovering joy in the everyday, wherever and in whatever circumstances we find ourselves. Cheers to the Good Life!
